AITA for rudely telling my mother-in-law the reason why I won't give my son my husband's last name?
Hi.
I'm a mother of a 6 y/o son. I've been with my husband for 3 yrs. His family is a big proud family of LEOs and my husband is a LEO himself. They love my son as their own but MiL repeatedly ask about the possibilty of giving him the family's name as in change his last name which belongs my late husband's then list the reasons why I should consider it. I gave no clear answers in hopes she'd drop it.
My husband was working when me and my son visited his family last weekend. Mil asked again when I will finally give my son the family's name. I felt annoyed I said I needed time to think about it to get her off my back but BiL chimed in saying I should feel honored and not even take time to think about it because his family's name and reputation are well known among others. MiL said by not considering it, I'm creating distance between them and my son and preventing them from being a family under one name.
I was mad, I said I wasn't going to do that anytime soon and will wait until my son's old enough to decide. I added that I didn't feel it's right to make this decision on my son's behalf nomatter how much his stepfamily love him. He already has a father that gave him a respectful last name and so this should be enough, Period
BiL and his cousin chuckled, (sarcastically?) MiL and SiL said I was a hypocrite for expecting them to treat my son as their own and yet refuse to let them give him their last name. I responded that they're the ones letting a name dictate the kind of relationship they have with my son. I don't understand why it's so important to have my son have their last name. Like it's supposed to complete him or something.
MiL still argued about it after I said this was between me and my husband and didn't stop so I left during dinner then got a text from MiL thanking me for rudely telling her that her family's name isn't good enough for me and my son. she said it's my decision to keep my son's last name but should no longer expect them to treat him as if they are his family after I made it abundently clear that they are not.
Mil emptied the room she had for when my son visits and SiL sent her husband to get back the gifts she gave to my son and made up an excuse for it. I was hurt and consulted mom who said I should show my inlaws compliance if I wanted benefits for me and my son's future since they have potentials and are well off. My son's current last name is 'useless' at this point according to her.
My husband is conflicted, One minute he's saying his mom kind of has a point. the next he's on the phone yelling at her to stop it. But still thought being rude was not the way.
Did I go too far?was I AITA?
EDIT Just adding:
LEO(s) : Law Enforcement Officer(s)
Mil : Mother in law
Sil : Sister in law
Bil : Brother in law. In case some of you got confused.
I told my husband I won't be visiting anymore although he said he could tell them to apologize and drop it but I feel like this is too big for an apology to fix even if I seemed rude.
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