AITA for defending my wife after she purposely dumped coffee on a kid?
My wife and I are both 34 and kid free. My brother "Mack", 28, started dating 30yo "Heather" roughly a year ago and she came with 3 kids. 12yo "Anna", who is 100% the problem child. The boys (6+8) are great. Anna on the other hand purposely does shit to piss people off at every turn and is extremely defiant and her mother let's her get away with it.
We own a camp on the lake and once a year we host a large BBQ and weekend stay for the entire family. Mack brought Heather and the kids. Anna was a shit all weekend. Picking fights with people, throwing tantrums, hitting, etc. And Heather just stood back saying "I don't know why she acts like that" rather than do anything to correct her kid. My wife was getting noticeably more pissed off as the hours progressed but nothing like yesterday. Yesterday we were all sitting out on the deck talking and enjoying a coffee and Anna was under foot, per usual. She was told to go play with the other kids several times and she refused. Finding excuses to be involved in the conversation. Which included picking up a fly swatter and swatting at flies around all the adults- knocking over our coffees several times. She was also smacking my wife with the swatter repeatedly saying there were flies on her when there wasn't. My wife at one point looked at Heather and said "either get your kid the fuck out of here or I'm going to lose my shit". I also spoke to my brother several times about him stepping in. This was following Anna dumping my wife's fresh coffee all over the place (including on her) for the second time (cold coffee- my wife doesn't drink hot coffee). Heather said a clipped "Anna go play" and that was it. No follow through. Well, Anna comes right back in and slaps my wife on the forehead with the swatter and says "bug, missed him". My wife took her coffee (her 3rd one that she just made. Again, cold) and flung it at Anna, covering her. Anna immediately starts crying and Heather flips out, so does my brother. Saying that my wife was an immature cunt and that she's "just a fucking kid". My wife calmly puts her cup down and continues conversation like nothing happened, as Anna, Heather and Mack are all flipping out. But then Heather says "do you have anything to fucking say for yourself?" And my wife says "don't let the door hit you and your demon spawn on the ass on the way out". Some of the adults are saying maybe an apology is warranted and that we are AHs for not giving one. I personally don't think so.
ETA: there were plenty of times my wife specifically had told Anna to stop and she had even taken the fly swatter from her at one point. Anna went and mocked my wife and then grabbed a new swatter, while Heather and my brother ignored Anna and what she was doing. Hence, why Anna kept doing it. Several times the other adults spoke up to this kid as well- AND spoke to Heather about "stepping up" and telling her kid to stop and actually following through. Many steps were taken before it got to this point. No, my wife shouldn't have had to remove herself from the equation when it's our property and everything was on our dime. My brother and his sorry excuse of a mom GF should have corrected the issue from the beginning. 12 is plenty old enough to know right from wrong. Even her brothers don't pull that shit. Just a quick add: it is NOT my wife's job to set an example, like some of you are saying. We are kid free for a reason. Anna and her sorry excuse of a mother were warned several times by my wife, me and the other adults. Beyond that, it's a them issue.
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