AITA for refusing to have sex with my boyfriend after he said, I wasn‘t the best he had in bed?
Listen, I know the title sounds as if I have some sort of issues with my ego, but hear me out. So, my boyfriend (m, 24) and I (f, 22) have been together for over 5 years now.
The 2nd and the 3rd year were extremely toxic and we have thought about breaking up more than once and sometimes also really had done it but just for a few hours. However, we managed to grow through it together and we also obviously became more mature with age. I still think, the reason why we are still together is mainly because I started to accept things, not many girlfriends would have come to terms with and I became super chill over time. I would hardly ever call myself jealous unless I am given good reasons to be.
When we met, he was a little fuckboy if I were to name it. He was loyal to me, but he had a lot of girls before me, he was partying every weekend and was just overall flirty still. When we met, he just turned 19 and I was 16, about to turn 17. Therefore, I was not allowed to visit most of the clubs he went to and he partied without me; which I was fine with. But he always went with a group of girls, 2 of them, who he called extremely beautiful.
He follows them on ig and whenever they posted sth, he would show me and tell me their outfits are amazing, they look bomb etc. And I have to agree. The girls were all literally 10/10s; the girls, every other girl would be jealous of. I like to support other girls and can admit, when one is just perfect. But with time, I grew jealous on them, simply because of his comments and his glorification of them.
There was also one time, where we went shopping and he saw a shirt one of the girls wore and he wanted me to try it on. This was no news, he often asked me to buy outfits similar to them. So I tried it on, but she is probably a xs to a s girl, when I am a m to l girl. It just didnt look good on me. He said „nah now that you are wearing it, I only like it on her“.
There was also a scenario where he would tell me this specific girl (lets call her Zoe) gave him a lapdance when they were out for the night.
One thing about my bf is that he will always be 100% honest with you. Even though you wouldn’t wanna hear it or if it is inappropriate.
Fast forward to now. He has no contact with these girls anymore. I have never gone out of my way and forbid him anything. He should have known himself what is ok within a relationship and what not. So their friendship just got lost over time without any influence on my behalf. But Zoe particulary was always a sensitive topic from there on.
Last friday, we celebrated us moving in together and invited some friends over. We then played piccolo; for those, who don‘t know this app: it‘s simply a sort of truth or dare. The question „for all the taken ones: drink, if your current partner is the best you ever had“ came on. And I drank. Because, he is in my eyes, without a doubt. He looked at me and hesitated. He then said „If I am being honest, Zoe was better in bed“. The friends around us started screaming „ok ok ok please talk about it later…“ He continued „but I know she (me) is fine with it, because it was before us“. I just smiled and we moved on. But after they were gone, I just looked at him and went to bed without another word.
To explain further: there were two times in our relationship, where we had a similar story with me. There was a boy, who I wanted to try friends with benefits with when I was 15. Ive known him since childhood. We kissed and I immediately stopped and said this isnt sth for me. Years later, he worked at a store nearby and I asked to get me a bag out of their sortiment and I visited him on the way to my bf to get the bag. I told my bf and reminded him that there once was a kiss (which I have told him before) and hell broke loose. I have never mentioned it, how he couldn‘t trust me anymore etc.
A little bit later in our relationship, a guy, I have known before, was introduced to our friend group. After some time we talked about old times and we found old chats between us. We once (!) played truth or dare as stupid teenagers and there were some questions rather personal/intimate. It was extremely cringey to read those after all those years; especially since we both had forgot about this. I thought, my bf was in the room with us, when we all laughed hard about this. A few months later we talked about it again and how cringe it was. My bf later said he had never heard of it before and how I could betray him again.
So now, he just said after five years in front of all of our friends that Zoe was better in bed. This was news to me. That they both have ever been intimate. I dont care about what happend before us but I should have known this. Back then he was mad about me telling him (again) about something previous when I just wanted to get a bag. He was mad about some texts as a stupid teenager. When I never made a secret out of both of this.
And then I get to know -5 years into our relationship- that there was something between him and Zoe. As if this was not relevant that he still fucked her a week before we met and continued partying with her. He also emberassed me in front of all of our friends and said within 5 years there has never been a sex better than one out of a few 5 years ago. Plus the whole question wasnt even explicitly about sexpartners.
I am in absolute no mood to have sex with him. We usually have it every day or at least every 2 days. So he has asked me constantly since friday. Yesterday he got mad that I said no again and said „you cant be grumpy forever I already apologized“. Yes he did. But he just doesnt understand that it had an impact on me. I just know if I were to have sex with him I feel like I am competing against Zoe. I feel like I am not good enough.
However, he has apologized and he always says it doesnt matter since he chose me back then. (I dont know if he was even being able to choose her or if he just settled for me but thats just a feeling). So now I am contemplating whether I overreacted, since it was before our relationship and he is in no contact with her since a few years already.
Thanks for reading through this novel.
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